Interracial Relationships: Clash of Cultures

If you spend some time with Don and me, you can tell that we're two different people but very alike. We have the same ideas of what we want in life, our passions, what we think about aliens, personal goals and etc. The "different" thing about us is we both grew up in different cultures. As we are dating, a few clashes came up that we often talk (and laugh) about. They're no deal breakers, just things that would come up for interracial couples. Here are some clash of cultures I face with Don.

01 Meals + Alcohol

During dinner parties or weddings if alcohol is involved. To his parents, it is an insult to NOT accept a drink or have a drink during dinners. To my parents, it is an insult TO accept the drink. It's going to be quite awkward and really interesting when our families meet each other.

02 Living Arrangements

I am 26 years old and I still live with my parents. Don is 27 years old and moved out 10 years ago. In my culture, it is completely normal, in fact, encouraged by parents to live with them until they get married. Some newlywed couples I know move in with parents after they get married and it's perfectly normal. Whenever Don teases me about (still) living with my parents, I'm like meh. 

03 Closing the distance

This is a little tricky because it's Ying and Yang. In order for us to close the distance - His parents want us to live together before we get engaged. My parents want us to get married first before living together. This is a culture thing where (in Malaysia) it is not "nice" for unmarried couples to live together in case anything happens. 

04 Manners

I am brutally honest. If I don't like something, I will let my feelings show. I am not afraid to tell someone off or tell things as they are. While Don is about preserving people's feelings and keeping things cool. Don's brother and sister-in-law came to Kuala Lumpur (KL) for their honeymoon. They were telling me about their trip, honeymoon and etc. I asked how much was the trip from the island they were at to KL and found out that they were ripped off by the locals. I told them, they were ripped off and next time let me know so I can get them the best deals. When I told Don this, I got in trouble for telling them they were ripped off. 

05 Parents

My parents have a lot of say in my decision-making and his parents have none. Whenever I decide to do something big, I will ask my parents for advice. For Don, he tells his parents what his plans are and it's all up to him. 

06 We're equals

Most women in Asian cultures are the matriarch. Every (Asian) mother I know has a strong say and is a huge influence their children's lives. But, they will tote and dote on their husbands. Meals are ready. House is clean. Drinks refilled before its even half way through. Laundry washed and kept away. I guess it's a natural instinct. Whenever I stay with Don, it comes naturally to me to clean up after our meals, clean up after a shower, make the bed in the morning and etc. He would tell me to chill and he will do it. We're equals. 

07 Accents and Lingoes

I hate it when Don puts up his Australian accent. He loves putting up his accent when he is in KL and speaking to the locals. I guess that's his way to connect with the locals, to start a conversation, but I am all "please baby, speak normal". Aussies have the most lingoes ever. There is a lingo for every expression, reaction, situation and etc. He used to speak in lingoes with me and every time he has to explain to me what it means and kills the whole story. Just speak normal Australian English with me! This goes with me as well, there were some lingoes I thought he understood, turns out he doesn't. 

08 Calling Elders by Their First Names

I know, I am not the only one who is mortified to call elders (family and non-family members) by their first name. In his culture, it is perfectly normal to call parents, aunts, and uncles, elder family friends by their first name while in  Asian culture, it's mom and dad, aunt this or aunty that, uncle this and uncle that. Even if they are not related to you, anyone older than you is "Aunty" or "Uncle". It's a sign of respect. Every time I am around Don's parents, I dread calling or referring them because I don't want to call them by their first name. 

Any of you in interracial relationships? Do you face the same "clashes" or have different ones?




This post is inspired by LDRBN writing prompt: Culture