Recently, I found out that one of my LDR buddies broke up with her boyfriend. Really sad times... We had a chat about it – she seemed okay, but I knew deep down she was a sad and disappointed about the breakup. As she was telling me what happen, I started having flashbacks about MY long-distance breakup. I was in an LDR with my previous boyfriend when I first moved to Australia. We didn’t break up because of the distance (as a couple, we had too many issues) but the distance contributed to the breakup.
No break up is easy. Especially if it’s a long-term relationship. I’ve been heart broken many times and in my experience, breaking up when you’re in a long-distance relationship is the easiest and the hardest thing to go through. Easy because… you were already leading a “single” life. Your SO was hardly around you to feel the loss. You don’t feel the physical loss. Hard because… it’s emotionally draining. What you feel the most is the emotional loss. No one to talk to at night before bed. No one “there” for you when you need someone. No one to make you laugh. No one to tell you jokes.
When my ex and I broke up, I felt a sense of relief and as much as I wanted to get out from that relationship, it was still a breakup. I was hurt. I was heart broken. I broke up with my ‘bestfriend’. To add on top of that, we broke up long-distance. A lot of hurtings happened. As 'fine' and 'okay' as I was, it took me a while to get back to my normal self, here’s how I dealt with my long-distance breakup.
1. Grieve
I think people forget this very important step to moving on. They skip straight to number 5. This step is SO important. You need to grieve over your loss. I know I keep saying it’s a loss like someone died, but really… the heartache and pain, when someone goes through a break up, is similar to when you lost someone.
You need to cry and let it ALLLLLLL out. Cry until you have nothing to cry. Cry until you can’t breathe. Cry until your housemates get annoyed with you. CRY. I gave myself a few days for crying and I was done. No more crying for him anymore. I felt much better than Day 1. My mind and body needed it.
2. Tell no one
I wanted to give it a month or two before I started telling people that we broke up. My reasons were it would be easier to handle friends and family’s nosy questions, to see if we could work things out and get back together (I didn’t want to be that couple who breaks up and get back x10000) and I wanted to take my time. It was a traumatic period in my life.
BUT my idiot ex-boyfriend told one of my girlfriends and “What happen?? Are you okay??” messages started flooding before I was ready to answer them. So if this happens to you, reply to your friend and say – “Give me time and I will tell you.”
3. Stay Busy
This comes without saying. Stay busy. You mind will constantly be replaying the morning/afternoon/night you guys broke up and you will suddenly break down. This will freak the people around you. Stay busy. Keep your mind busy with other things. Go to the gym. Read. Focus on more at work. When you think about coming home to a lonely night, hang out with your friends or watch Netflix. I kept myself busy with uni work, gym and hanging out with my housemates. Every morning, I would list down things I needed to do and won’t stop until I ticked everything off. Leaving me no time to think about my ex.
4. Let it out
There will be a day when staying busy gets tiring. You just want to sit down and let everyone out. Maybe by now, you would be ready to tell your friend and family.
Since my ex-boyfriend did the above for me, I still had lingering leftover feelings that needed to be let out. I wasn’t comfortable with expressing my feelings to friends. I didn’t want my friends to have a tainted perception of my ex, so I created a separate blog and let it everything out there. Whenever I had something to let out, I wrote it there.
5. Party
Go out and have fun. Get yourself a new outfit. Call your friends and have a good night. You deserve it! My housemates and I hosted a few house parties and it felt so good to be out and talking to people with a new sense of light.
6. Move On
Move on with life. He was one chapter In your life. It’s time you write another one.
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