It is always nice when your parents are being supportive of your romantic relationship. When your parents are like that, it feels like you have nothing else big to worry about because you know that they've got your back.
My mom has always been very supportive in everything I do or want to do. She does not always like what I want, but she does not stop me from getting it or doing it. She is that kind of parent who would always be apprehensive, but would still let you do things on your own.
In the beginning of my LDR, I did not want to tell her about it because I know she would not like it. But what did they say about moms again? Moms always find out. Moms always know best. We can never successfully hide the truth from them. They are like our personal FBI.
When I was back in Hong Kong on the second month of my LDR, she told me she knew about my LDR from the start. I was shocked because I thought I was doing a great job at hiding it. I couldn't say a word to her, and she was only standing there, smiling diabolically at me.
It looks like she approves, right? Hah. We will see about that. I have been in an LDR for a year and a half now, and within those months, my mom has only said a few words about my relationship.
1. WHY? ARE YOU SURE?
This was the first line my mom said while she stood by the door with a cup of hot coffee in her hands. I was scared that she might pour the coffee on me...scared because coffee is too precious to waste and because it might burn me to hell. But of course, I knew my mom wouldn't hurt me like that. I was just being paranoid because I couldn't figure out her facial expression at that time.
2. WHY HIM? ARE THE GUYS HERE NOT GOOD ENOUGH?
Of course, they are good. I just found the best on the other side of this planet. I have always been amazed at how fate and destiny work together for you to find that person who is like connected to your soul. My mom believes in this, too. But at that time, she suddenly forgot everything about it. I told her I did not just choose him. I told her I felt a connection, and even though it was not love at first sight, I still felt like there was the spark between the two of us.
3. HOW MUCH DO YOU TRUST EACH OTHER?
Whatever kind of relationship you have, I think being trustworthy or trusting is still the most important thing the both of you should possess. I have always believed that if I cannot trust my SO, how can I prove I am trustworthy as well? I know it can be hard trusting people sometimes, but when you offer your heart to someone, and he/she willingly gives you his heart in return, without any doubts, he/she definitely deserves your trust. If he/she can trust you, you have to do the same. So when my mom asked me this, I told her that we're both worthy of each other's trust. It does not matter if we do not see each other every day, we know what we should do and should not do, and if one does something that violates the other, then the other person should not be liable for it. It is always the does that karma hits.
4. ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE ANYTHING FOR HIM?
This was a tricky question. If I said yes, she might get mad because she might think I would sacrifice her or our family. She might think I would leave her in the long run, which might actually happen. If I said no, she might question my willingness and my dedication towards my relationship. She has seen me fail so many times before, and she might still be thinking I am not cut out for this kind of relationship.
5. IS HE WILLING TO SACRIFICE THINGS FOR YOU?
If I said yes, she would, of course, be very happy. Although I was not really sure about this one, I still said yes to her. If you love someone unconditionally, I think that you would definitely be willing to do things for that person you love. If you aren't willing to do that, then how can you say you love that person? How can you prove you love him/her without doing anything? Without your actions, words will be just words. Words do not amount to anything unless there is a concrete evidence for it.
6. IS HE RELIGIOUS?
I have to admit I am not very religious, but my family is. If my mom could, she would live in the Church forever. For my mom, faith is one of the most important things each of our family members should have. And that means that when we find someone we want to spend most of our life with, that person need to be religious.
7. WILL HE LIKE ASIAN FOOD?
One of my mom's pride is her cooking skills. She makes the best curry dish ever. I think most Asian moms would like their kids' SO to like the food they make as well. Fortunately, my SO likes food, in general, so he does not have any problems with Asian food. It is also good that he likes curry.
8. DOES HE LOVE HIS MOM?
Since my SO grew up in the west and was raised in a different culture, my mom was so curious about his relationship with his parents. She has this idea that I need to find that person who has a good relationship with his parents, because when someone is like that, it means that he was raised very well.
9. DOES HE LIKE DOGS?
My mom has lots of pet dogs, and I am not sure why but I think she asked this because she wants to know if she and my SO would agree on it. She also said that people who do not like dogs or any pets are kind of suspicious. She is always suspicious of others, so this was not new to me.
10. HOW ARE HIS FRIENDS? IS HE FRIENDS WITH YOUR BEST FRIENDS?
My mom likes making my friends feel uncomfortable when she is around, but she always says she likes them. It is very important for her that my best friends like my SO and that my SO respects them back. She tells me that if he could not take being around my best friends, then she said something must be wrong with him.
My mom is apprehensive and I can't blame her for asking these questions. She hasn't asked these questions in my past relationships, and I feel like she has these questions now since my present relationship is different from the last ones I had. My mom does not always agree with anything I say, but I am glad because despite that, she never makes me feel like I am wrong. When I tell her something, she would always say that I am old enough to have my own opinion and defend myself. So in the end, she still respects my decision to keep my LDR for as long I could.
I think that parents will always be like that. When you tell them about your relationship, they will always have questions. But that does not mean they do not like your relationship. It means that they just really love you and care for you and they want to get to know that person you are with better. So when your parents ask you about your relationship or your LDR, make sure you get to help them understand your situation better, so they won't just immediately make false judgments especially when you are dating someone from a different culture.
by Diana Marcos.
This is my first collaboration with a fellow LDRBN member! Diana Marcos is the author behind Toast and Tea Together. She is an amazing writer who writes poems, short stories and her experience in long distance relationships. Be sure to check out her blog!
Nice post Diana, i think i will be better prepared for when my bf comes to town
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