4 Ways Long Distance Relationships Makes You Independent

4 Ways Long Distance Relationships Make you Independent

Before Don, I was in a long-term relationship. We met when we were young, late teens, the early 20s. We went through the ‘coming of age’ phrase together. We were young, in love and eager to take over the world. We did EVERYTHING together (EVERYTHING!!). From applying to the same uni, getting jobs under the same parent company under different subsidiaries, cheering the same football team, i started a blog, he started a blog, whatever new activity he joined, i joined and vice versa. It got to a point where I didn’t do anything by myself. I always had a partner. 

I was so dependent on him that i hated being alone. I knew it was unhealthy for me, but the idea of being alone scared me. I was really unhappy with the relationship, I stayed on because I knew I could depend on him. When we broke up, I was like a little-lost puppy with no sense of direction. For years, I depended on someone for everything. Now, I had to slowly break out from my bubble and face reality. 

My view on independence changed when I got with Don. He is trusting, understanding and encouraging. Even though being in a long distance relationship sucks, I am quite glad that we are in one. Long distance relationship forces you to be independent. You can't be sitting at home doing nothing. That's not living. You will eventually have to find things to do. Recently I wrote about cool advantages of being in a long distance relationship. The first point I made was being independent. I mentioned that you can develop your own separate interests. After going through a few experiences with Don,  we came to an understanding that long distance relationship develops many other things as well and I want to elaborate that on this blog post. It took me so long to realise that no matter what kind of relationship you are in (close proximity relationship or long distance relationship) you need your independence. 

For example: 

1. Encourages you to think for yourself 

Whenever I decide I want to do something, I will always ask for a second opinion (usually Don’s). Often, I would ask him to decide on something because I simply didn’t want to be the decision, maker. I would double, triple ask him what is the plan, should we do this, should we do that, etc. Don would turn the tables and sensibly say, “it’s not only my decision, it’s yours too” So, now I am the decision maker in our relationship (hehehehehehehe). It helps me because I don't have much self-confidence. I am slowly coming out from my shell.

2. Opportunity to work on our careers

One of the reasons why I came back to Malaysia is to work on my career and learn the ropes of my industry. Be the best I can be. We are young. This is the time for us to make our mistakes, build credibility and make a name for ourselves. Same with Don, he is working as a marketing manager and absorbing everything he needs to know about his industry. We hope to have our own start up one day. Together, with me here in Malaysia and him in Australia, we are working our way to gain knowledge in our jobs for future opportunities for us.

3. Enjoy the solitude

Being a part from each other gives us A LOT of me time. Long distance forces you to get out of your comfort zone. As I mentioned above, I was so dependent on my last relationship that I hated being alone. Now, I enjoy being alone. I would say no to a night’s out with the girls because I want to spend some time alone. I would run my own errands, have meals alone, get coffee and hang out by myself. Things I wouldn’t have done 2 years ago! I have my days when I wish Don was at my futsal games, accompanying me to a friend’s wedding, birthday dinners, etc. He would always tell me to “Enjoy these moments baby, it will be your last” until we close our gap. 

4. Strengthening our relationship

Because we know how to enjoy our own company and know what we want, it naturally makes us better communicator. We learn to express our thoughts as clearly as we can. We promise to be open and honest to each other. Don and I update each other on what we are doing throughout the day. We send each other links, photos, meows and still do other daily things. Again I say because we are okay with being by ourselves, it will benefit us when we close our gap.

My advice for those new to long-distance relationships is to find your independence and learn to love it. 

Inspired by this LDR Writing Prompt: Amazing Advice