I think i might have jinxed a few things after my post about being friends before lovers. I went on about how we don't fight because we were friends first blah blah blah. Well, in every relationship, couples fight. The other night Don and I had a small lover's quarrel. It was a buildup of things and one of us (me) got upset.
And it was all because ...men don't listen. I say this out of love because i know not all men are the same. I find some men have selective hearing. They listen to what they want to hear and they tune out whatever they don't want to hear. This doesn't just apply to Don. But to some of my guy friends and male colleagues. I got a little upset with Don when I *tried* to talk to him about something pretty big to me. Don, while talking to me usually watches a movie to wind down after work/gym. 2 in 1 kinda thing. He is usually receptive until this night.
It went something like this
Kay: blablablablablabla <insert important topic> blablablablablabla baby? Are you listening?
Don: ...
Kay:?
Don: ....
Don: Yesss? (very unconvincingly)
Kay: What did I last say?
Don: <said something other than what I was blablablablablabla-Ing>
Well, it ended with me telling him to finish his movie and I will speak to him tomorrow. Usually, it takes a lot more for me to get upset about things like this. We are in a long distance relationship, you will to expect these things and learn to pick your battles (will elaborate more below) but this time around I was a little more upset than usual. Don did call back after his movie to talk, but I was still fuming from our conversation before that I wished him a quick goodnight and went to bed.
We didn't get to talk to each other until noon the next day to talk about our little quarrel. It was half day of me being upset and sending him one-word replies. We eventually talked things out and managed to get over our little quarrel with no harm.
Learn to pick your battles
Some fights are not worth the effort. You have to be honest with yourself about how much the issue annoys you. Girls often want to ‘battle’ for the sake of it. You are wrong and I am right. I have to tell you that. Have a think of how it will make you feel in the next coming days and see if it’s worth fighting over. To be honest, I shouldn’t have picked this battle because it was really petty, but I was a little emotional that night and it became a quarrel.
Never go to bed angry
Try to not go to bed angry with your partner. It brings bad energy to bed. Sometimes, you think about it the whole night, you sleep angry and upset. It tires your body for the next day especially if you have to wake up early for work. Always go to bed with a peace and loving mind. Have good positive energy before bed so you wake up refreshed and energetic.
If you do go to bed angry, solve it the next morning
Not everyone can forgive easily. I get it. I went to bed angry that night and woke up feeling crappy BUT I managed to have a rational mindset after because I slept on it and we made up.
Talk it out
ALWAYS talk out your issues. I highly advise against sweeping your issues under the rug to be dealt with another day. Chances are, you probably won't deal with it because it's out of sight therefore out of mind. Have an honest and open communication with your partner. This doesn't apply to just long distance relationships but to close proximity relationships as well. Unresolved issues can lead to more unwanted issues.
Meet your partner in the middle. After our quarrel, Don and I managed to come to a compromise where we both agreed. I would be lying if I said I was 100% happy with it. It's a compromise. Don promised to pay more attention to me if I let him have a few hours to himself to watch TV.
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