5 Things Not To Ask An Interracial Couple

Don and I are almost hitting our one year mark soon, yay! We met at Uni and became fast friends. After class, we would hang out with our other classmates from ALL over the world.  We have me, a Malaysian, a Chinese girl (dating a Japanese), Iranian girl, African dude (who migrated to Australia), occasionally a French girl and Don who is an Australian.

It was a mix of culture and races that, because it was so diverse, we never saw each other as a Malaysian, Chinese, Iranian, African, French or Australian. We were just a bunch of Uni students hanging out and making fun of each other.

To be honest, I didn't see Don as a brown-haired, blue-eyed, tall, white guy. He was this annoying, guy who couldn't STOP teasing me and challenged whatever I said. Now, I see him as this cute, funny and thoughtful guy (who is completely in love with me, haha!). The thought of him being a white guy didn't cross my mind until a friend pointed out saying, "eh you are dating a mat salleh (white guy), how did that happen?"

I didn't think I would have to write this post because I didn't think interracial/intercultural relationships would be a BIG deal. Especially now, when there are so many interracial couples, families and etc. I am not afraid or embarrassed to tell the world with this amazing guy. Of course, this amazing guy also happens to be an Australian, who is white. People are getting the wind that I am dating Don. They think it's their right to ask me one of the few questions below, if not more!

1. What do your parents think?

What my parents think about my relationship is none of your business. I get annoyed when I get asked this.  Often, I would reply - "Oh, they don't really like him, because he is white" just to get a reaction from them. Their reactions always disappoint me. They give me a "That's expected" expression. Ugh! Sure, like any other parents, they have their reservations about their daughter dating any guy for that matter. It doesn't get easier especially when I am the youngest in the family.

2. When are you guys getting married? 

No, that's just my statement ring. 

After the first question, they would follow up with this questions.

I don't know since when it's okay to ask a girl - When are you getting married? Do you see a ring on my finger? Did I tell you we were getting married? How the hell would I know when am I am getting married? He has to ask me first, no?

The first few times, I was asked this question, was from my nosy aunties/uncles, which was fine. I expected it from them and prepared a scripted answer - "I just graduated, I want to focus on my career." But when my peers started asking me, I was taken back. I suddenly felt pressured and started thinking, "Damn, I am at a 'marriageable' age!" I have to think about the M word sooner or later.

Then it occurred to me that, my peers view 'getting married' as a milestone to achieve in their life. They have graduated, worked for a few years and the next step would be to get married.  If we do get married, it is because Don and I want to spend the rest of our lives together, not because we want to hit a milestone.

So now, whenever someone asked me 'When are you getting married?'. I say - when he puts a ring on it (and hopefully before you get one). Okay, I don't say the last part, but god these people really get on my nerves.

3. Is it different from Malaysian guys?

Don is expressive, laid back, kind and very thoughtful. He is worldly and knows his stuff. I can talk to him about anything without feeling judged. He keeps me on my toes. He pushes me to get out from my comfort zone. He doesn't let me settle. He is the sort of guy that when I tell him - Today, clothes are optional (In Khaira's terms, it means, I am staying in the whole day and I am too lazy to put on clothes) and he tells me to get up from bed and go do something! Don't waste the day! He can easily say, okay baby, you can do whatever you want. #1. He is not around to tell me what to do. #2. Technically, me staying in bed the whole day has no effect on him because he still has to go to work, run errands and etc. Him, telling me to get off the bed and do something productive... makes him different. 

I am not saying there are anything wrong with Malaysians guys, but the Malaysians guys I have dated, we would start off great to then go on different wave-lengths. 

So yes, it is different because HE is different as a person,  not because he is white.

4. What's your plan?

Our plan is to be together.

5. Is he going to convert? 

This is the golden question that I get asked so many times. Not only are we an interracial couple. We are also an intercultural (we live in different countries with different cultures) AND interfaith couple. Trying to help someone get accustomed to your culture/faith and vice versa is not an easy. Having lived in Australia for a few years, I know his culture better than mine. Don has my words and his trips here to understand my culture. Malaysian culture is pretty cool, but it sure takes some time to get used to. It's a process.