I am in a long distance relationship and I don't encourage you to be in one.
I won't sugarcoat it and anyone in a long distance relationship will also say that same. IT SUCKS BIG TIME. It's not awesome. It's not fun. It's emotionally draining. It's lonely. I especially don't encourage it for people who are in their teens and early 20s (Let's call them "prime years" for the sake of this post, I know everyone has different ages of "prime years"). I feel like long distance (relationships) are done because the couple has to go through it. It's not something you do because you want to. It's because you have to. It's almost like a trap. Now, why would you want to put yourself in a theoretical trap? When you're in your prime years, you're still learning about yourself. You're not 100% sure of what you want.
Being in a long distance relationship is like a relationship hiatus. You’re waiting to have a normal proper relationship with SO. You’re stuck in a limbo. You’re waiting for circumstances to improve. It can be weeks, months and even years! Its a lot of sacrifices. The time when you can be out living the life (partying, meeting people, traveling) you’re at home skyping for hours or upset that your SO is not replying your text. Why would put yourself through this mental and emotional torture? You know for a fact that it’s not something you want to do, but something you have to do. You endure it.
Don’t get me wrong. I love my boyfriend. I want to have a forever friendship with him. I am so grateful to have him in my life. He says no to me, but will rationalise things with me. He doesn’t make empty promises to shut me up. He’s wonderful. If I met Don when I was 18-21, I don’t think I would have appreciated him as much as I do now. Having met him when I was 24. Slightly older. More grounded. Earning my own income. Have a vision of what I want in the next 5 years. I appreciate him. Being with him has definitely opened my eyes to a lot of things, especially on things I need in relationship. Along the way of our relationship I realized that in order for a long distance relationship to work, you need these four things.
01 A Job
Long distance relationships are expensive. You need a lot of $$$ to visit each other. Especially for international LDR couples like myself. I have to save half of my monthly earnings for three months to pay for flight + spending money when I make a trip over to Australia to see my boyfriend. It doesn’t help that my currency is so much weaker than his.
02 To love yourself
It is as literal as loving yourself. You need to take care of yourself. Eat right. Exercise to keep your body and mind active. Have healthy relationships with your peers. Surround yourself with positivity and good people.
03 To respect yourself
If you know that your SO is not treating you right or his whereabouts and behaviours are questionable. You need to respect yourself to know when to leave. You shouldn’t be taking their lying, irresponsible behaviour and trying to justify to yourself why they are doing that. Also, keep your dirty laundry to yourself. When you tell your friends your relationship problems, how they perceive your SO is what you tell them. You painted this image in their minds and now that’s how they’re going to see your SO. At the end of the day, you can forgive your SO, but they won’t. Pick your battles. right.
04 To have a high level of emotional maturity
You CANNOT get upset if he missed your call or don’t reply your text message. I am guilty of this. When I can’t get my boyfriend, I will call him until he freaking picks up the damn phone. Once he picks up, I am okay. We will continue our normal conversation. I don’t stress him with questions - Where were you!? Why didn’t you pick up!? Because I trust him. I trust that he is where he said he was and has a valid reason why he didn't pick up. Picking your battles right.
When you tick off the four things above, it will make your relationship so much easier. My advice is to enjoy your prime years as much as you can!
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