Telling My Long Distance Boyfriend To Not Waste My Time

Before going to do my Master's degree in Australia, I was working my dream job. I was working for this new, exciting fashion e-commerce startup. It was everything I dreamt of doing. Writing content, co-managing a team, working with amazing, smart teams and seeing how fast the internet world worked. Getting my master's degree has always been a childhood dream. When my enrollment day drew nearer, I was torn between to stay and work or get my master's degree. It was a really hard decision, but I decided to get my master's degree.

Scarborough Beach in Western Australia

Before moving to one of the most beautiful cities in the world - Perth. I made a promise to myself that I am going to learn whatever I needed to better myself, come back to KL, work on my career and start a family. While making life decisions for myself, I was dating someone. He was a couple years older than me, working in the same industry and we have been dating for a few years. He was waiting for me to come back, so we can start our lives together = get married. WELL, THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN because I met Don. Thank god!

Fast forward years later, I was in another dilemma. Stay in Australia and work (= be with Don) or go back to Malaysia and chase my dream. Don and I didn't happen towards the end when I finally decided that I was moving back to Malaysia. When we decided to be together, I was in KL working my first job, chasing my dream. I was completely smitten by him but, I wasn't going to drop everything and move to another country for a guy. I am at the point in my life where I want something more. I wanted someone to help me improve my life. Encourage my passion. Motivate me. I didn't want to waste my time on meaningless relationships that bring me nothing but grief (because he didn't call me or text me).

Very early on our relationship, I told Don - Don't waste my time. I needed him to know that if we are going to happen, it had to be serious. There will be so many sacrifices that will happen along the way and we need to be really serious if "we" are happening. One of us could be moving, leaving our jobs, family and friends and basically our whole life. You don't mess with this kind of things. Its a commitment. 

Since we decided to be together. My career had to take a back seat. I was looking forward to coming back to work and helping people's life in what I spend 8 long years of studying (Mass Communication, Journalism and Internet Communication). I received so many jobs offers but couldn't pursue it because I didn't want to take a job with one foot out the door. I didn't want to put my heart and soul in a job knowing that I am going to leaving soon. It made me really unhappy and almost resented the idea of being in a long distance relationship. After endless of conversations with Don talking about our future. I sacrifice my career now but will gain a life partner. Right now, I get to work on my passion = blogging. 

One of my biggest fears in life is settling. Settling for something right now rather than future. We were both fresh out from a bad relationship when we got together. I am worried that we made big decisions because we are lazy and afraid. Lazy to look for love. Lazy to go through everything again. Afraid of rejections. Afraid to be alone. The irony of settling is, you need to settle to know if you're going to work out.