Don and I met when we were doing our Master degree in Curtin University, Perth. At the time, we got to know each other as “classmates” I was in a long-term relationship and he was pursuing another classmate of ours. We hung out for coffee after a class, had group assignments together and kept in touch whenever I was back in KL for my winter/summer breaks.
Somewhere along coffee, assignments and sending each other “Hey! How’re you? How’s your trip going?” we developed a friendship. It was around my birthday, when he asked me if we could hang out the day after my birthday. He had bought me a present and wanted to give it to me AND wanted to hang out. Like to hang out. Talk. Eat. Chill. FYI: By this time, we were both single and not seeing anyone.
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| He bought me a world map!! |
I said okay. You can come over. Mind you, I was living with 7 other housemates, there isn't much privacy unless you are in your rooms. I was REALLY nervous because I knew he liked me and I was starting to like him more (He confessed his affection for me MONTHS before we started dating, but more on that soon). I didn’t want to hang out in my room. We haven’t hung out outside uni, other than a few times when we went to watch another classmate eat 2 kg of chicken (wtf right? but we did, LONG STORY FOR ANOTHER DAY) and Tuesday waffles (Gelare in Australia has 50% every Tuesday!!!). Being alone in my room was... No. Not yet. So, we sat awkwardly outside my porch for a while before I gave in and told myself, this is super silly. We’re adults. Let’s go inside and hang out with my housemates. We hung out with my housemates. He cooked for me. We watched a movie and ended the night with a kiss.
And...that is the beginning of our long distance relationship.
Being in an LDR sucks. Sucks big time. The distance does not get better, only you get better at it at dealing with it. Now that we are months into it, I realized more things that suck…
1. Lack of physical contact.
The best place in the world for me is being in his arms. I love being hugged by him. I feel like how my body fits perfectly with his. I love cuddling. We would be doing things - buying juice, Don fixing his BBQ set or right before he goes in the toilet, I would ask for a hug! A quick cuddle. During movie nights at home, I would curl up really tight next to him, so he'll have no choice but to hold me = cuddle.
Whenever we are not together, we lose that sense of touch. :( I miss it.
2. Doing things alone.
Sure you have your friends and family, but they have their things going on as well and can’t babysit you EVERY time you feel lonely, bored or don’t want to be alone, etc. Doing things alone gets to me because KL is blooming with new cafes, new restaurants, new malls and etc. There are always new things to check out. I do them myself and it is really lonely. Or, I go to these places with friends, but I don’t enjoy the experience as much because it is not with Don.
3. Finding time to talk daily.
Even though we live in the same time zone. Don and I are not in the same time zone. Don has recently moved down to a country town called Denmark, 5 hours south from Perth. It’s a quiet town with nothing much around. Work for him is 8-5pm and work for me 1030am - 730pm. Which means, he has to go to bed around 10-11pm. Sometimes after my work, I would play Futsal and won’t be done until 12-1am. Finding time to talk can be so taxing and we miss our nightly calls.
4. Not Being there for each other.
Not being there for each other kills me a little inside. I was really upset I wasn’t around for his birthday and he had to spend it alone, in a new town with no friends. Whenever I am playing futsal, I see boyfriends coming to support their girlfriends playing. I get green with envy because I want that… I want my boyfriend supporting me at my games. I want him to be in my winning pictures. One of the reasons why I fell for Don is his 100% support and encouragement for my love of futsal. He doesn’t play the sport, but he pushes me to play. Helps me find remedies when I’m sore or tells me off when I don’t take care of my (injured) ankle enough. I make do with the fact that, if he is not here to support me psychically. At least, he encourages me to play and he has mentioned a couple of times that he wants to take Futsal up. YAY!
5. Dealing with people.
Just because they don’t see my boyfriend psychically, doesn’t mean he doesn’t exist. Stop trying to set me up with your cousin/friend/best friend’s brother/friend’s son or any Tom, Dick and Harry you think I might like. It's rude. When I tell them, I have a boyfriend. The response i get - “Oh, I thought it was a one-off thing”. When I tell close friends what are our plans and our options (which includes marriage) - I get surprise faces and remarks like “Oh, I didn’t think you guys were that serious.” Remarks and comments like this upset me and close me up from wanting to share any relationship updates with friends. It kills me because I am proud of my relationship. I want to show Don off and let people know how happy we are. So yeah, dealing with people = sucks.
6. Waiting
and thinking, Am I making the right decision by dating him?
At the end of the day, one of us has to make that big move. Sacrificing things in our home and trying to make a living in another country is not easy. Don and I have come to a decision for our future, but right now, we are just (ugh) waiting for the time to come. I wish it was easy to just, pack up and move without upsetting anybody, but it isn’t. 😔 I can't wait for us to be together!
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| Kay and Don |
If you are getting into an LDR, these are the few things to keep in mind. It may not be as hard if you have family and friends supporting you constantly. Don't give up!
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