Don and I met when we were doing our Master degree in Curtin University, Perth. At the time, we got to know each other as “classmates”. I was in a long-term relationship and he was pursuing another classmate of ours.
Towards the end of my last semester, we found ourselves single and decided to give Don+Kay a try. Of course, there was a catch, in 4 weeks time, he was heading off for a 7-week road trip across America and I was heading back to Kuala Lumpur, my hometown. We didn’t know when we would be in the same country next, but you can’t stop loving someone just because they’re not in the same country. We decided to make the distance work.
I often talk about how sucky it is to be in a long distance relationship. In light of keeping things optimistic and looking at the silver lining in my long distance relationship, I found a few things that have made me a better person because of my long distance relationship.
Being away from your partner lets you devote more time in your own life. We can develop our own separate interests and not get in each other’s face. You can also use this time apart to find yourself and build closer relationships with family and friends, and not dwell on the fact that you guys are not in the same country.
Whenever Don has Monday nights with his boys, I will try to use that time to see my friends or play futsal. Not being with your partner is a great way to stay true to yourself even though you are in a relationship and hopefully make a solid relationship when we are finally together.
2. You learn about each other more and communicate better.
It sounds super cliché, but really, you learn so much from your partner by just talking. Our conversations are more meaningful and deeper when we are apart. Whenever we tell each other something that happened, we would explain in great detail. If we have an argument, we have no choice but to talk about it. By maintaining an honest and open communication with each other, we strengthen our relationship, learn to connect and resolve our issues. Because of all of the above, Don is my best friend and the closest person to me.
3. It changes you, for the better.
I am not a romantic. Believing in fairy tale endings is not my thing. I don’t believe in “forever” because… forever doesn’t last! You can’t promise anyone forever because you will eventually die and you are just lying to your partner. I am also VERY wary of calling someone “the Love of my life”. How do I know he is “the love of my life”? Is there a sign? Does he have to do something to make him qualify to be "the love of my life”? HOW!? Usually when someone says “forever”, “for the rest of my life” or anything along those lines to me, I would start backing off or scoff at them. Like, you fo’ real dude? That’s an empty promise. But, when Don told me - “Baby, I am done. I want you in my life for good.” I didn’t flinch. Being in a long-distance relationship brought out the inner romantic in me. I needed to feel the cheesy life-changing love. And, believe that stories like this really do happen in real life. Don is the love of my life.
4. It’s an adventure with better memories!
When Don came to visit me in KL, I was so excited to show him around. I planned out an itinerary for his stay. I wanted to show him places I frequent, meet my friends, let him try Malaysian food and etc. When I go over to Perth to see him, it is the same. He wants me to try new restaurants he found, new places he goes and meet his friends. We put effort into making the time we spend together special. We go for walks, climb rocks and just do random things. Whenever we are together, we are always doing something new and exciting! And when we are apart, we bond and reminisce over the times we spend together.
5. You will know if your relationship is serious (or not).
Long-distance relationships are anything BUT physical. You will be able to differentiate Love and Lust pretty quick when you are in one. Not being able to see each other for months end, no one would go through the pain and heartache if they are not serious about the relationship. With that, you know that you are not wasting your time on a relationship.
6. Spending Time Alone = ‘Me’ Time.
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| Don having his "Me" time. |
I like my own space. I need my own space. If I am around people the whole day, there is NOTHING I look forward more than going home, shutting my door and just sit in my room. I would get super cranky when someone comes in my room. Don’t be afraid to tell your partner that, you need some time alone. Don and I spend hours on Facetime that we forget that we have things to do (or not do). There will be times when I want to talk to Don and he would say, “Sorry, Can’t talk now, I have things to do” or "baby, I need to go watch TV for a while and we talk after?"
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