How are you doing? Its so weird addressing you in general. We havent spoken in months nor have i seen a single impression of you on social media. Given that you blocked me off all social media, after our last conversation. I felt pretty safe, leading life on my social media. It was until I was in my 2nd instagram account when i stumbled across your photo. You forgot that account. When i scrolled past your photo, my heart skipped a beat. Wow. It's you. I felt this overwhelming feeling of...sadness.
You were more than a partner to me. You were my best friend. Letting you go was the hardest decision i ever made. I was choosing to let go of my best friend. The funny thing is that we were never friends, we didnt start off as friends so when we tried to be friends, we couldnt.
I miss you. I dont miss us together, our relationship was toxic, unhealthy and suffocating. I missed our version of a friendship. You were my go-to person. My punching bag. My walking diary. My saviour. My everything. There were many times I wanted to call you when i felt a little lost, needed help with something or just wanted to talk to you because i knew you would get it. I dont because its unfair and selfish. But I see you are well. Traveling? Seeing someone new?
Leaving you was the best decision i made. After the rollercoaster ride we went through, it felt wrong not to think we could have made it to the end, but we werent made for each other. We both knew it. You should have trusted your instincts as i should have mine. We were there for each other for other things. You helped me through my uni days - stayed up with me when i needed to finish an assignment, comforted me when i cried - lol, UiTM gave me alot of grief and even did some of my assignments for me. You taught me the importance of family. Never do things half-heartly. How to save money. What we got out of this relationship was knowing the things we didnt want in a relationship. Im sorry. Im sorry that i left the way i did. Sorry you found out things, things you didnt want to know. Im sorry for all the promises i broke.
For the first time in 6 years, I have never been happier and i know, it may have taken a while for you to figure this out, you are happy as well. It worked out for us. I have to thank you. You opened up new opportunities for me.
I realised that...
I like me. You were more than a partner to me. You were my best friend. Letting you go was the hardest decision i ever made. I was choosing to let go of my best friend. The funny thing is that we were never friends, we didnt start off as friends so when we tried to be friends, we couldnt.
I miss you. I dont miss us together, our relationship was toxic, unhealthy and suffocating. I missed our version of a friendship. You were my go-to person. My punching bag. My walking diary. My saviour. My everything. There were many times I wanted to call you when i felt a little lost, needed help with something or just wanted to talk to you because i knew you would get it. I dont because its unfair and selfish. But I see you are well. Traveling? Seeing someone new?
Leaving you was the best decision i made. After the rollercoaster ride we went through, it felt wrong not to think we could have made it to the end, but we werent made for each other. We both knew it. You should have trusted your instincts as i should have mine. We were there for each other for other things. You helped me through my uni days - stayed up with me when i needed to finish an assignment, comforted me when i cried - lol, UiTM gave me alot of grief and even did some of my assignments for me. You taught me the importance of family. Never do things half-heartly. How to save money. What we got out of this relationship was knowing the things we didnt want in a relationship. Im sorry. Im sorry that i left the way i did. Sorry you found out things, things you didnt want to know. Im sorry for all the promises i broke.
For the first time in 6 years, I have never been happier and i know, it may have taken a while for you to figure this out, you are happy as well. It worked out for us. I have to thank you. You opened up new opportunities for me.
I realised that...
I have always liked me, but now i like myself more now. I got back into playing sports. Put myself out there, joined a futsal team in Perth and gave me the confidence to join leagues here in KL. I feel my current best right now because of the sports and fitness i have been doing. I dont get sick from heartaches, headaches and waking up frustrated. I learn to address things i dont like and not let myself be in a situation where i am not comfortable. I dont need validation from people. I am not insecure about my looks, my weight and etc (okay, im lying, i have my moments). I learned to love myself. Accept compliments. I dont hold back anymore.
I no longer have the guilt of having a time frame hanging out with friends and family. I can laugh my heart silly with my girlfriends and friends. I go on adventures. I overcame my fear of heights and the sea!
I talk to people.
I meet people. Engage with like-minded people. I appreciate conversations. I take notes of people. I people watch. I pick up on things about people that i never notice. Its really refreshing. I dont have to worry about you liking the person or not.
I used to be so careful with my decision-making, analyse every thing right to core and now i just say Yes! Im in! I quit a job i hated. Went on a month long holiday with limited funds. Potentially moving to another country for love. Its so liberating! I feel emotions i never felt before and didnt think existed!
I met my person.
He holds my hand and calls me the love of his life.
We are no longer in each other's life. Strangers again. I wish you nothing but happiness and a bright future. I pray for your family's health and happiness. I hope you achieve all your dreams, fantasies and find your perfect girl to give you the family you always wanted. Thank you for letting me go.
No comments :
Post a Comment